Serpens Cauda
by thricepiercedpirate
Summary: Everyone's traveled to Sabaody Archipelago with the understanding that this won't be a simple matter of picking up where they left off, but for Zoro, it comes with one hell of an additional complication and even if his nakama might find his tale a bit difficult to swallow, they certainly won't dispute the fact that SOMETHING unusual's responsible for the evidence before their eyes.
1. Chapter 1

The Straw Hat Pirates had anticipated changes. Certainly a lot of minor changes, and possibly more than a couple of the considerable, head-turning variety. After spending an entire two years separated by broad sweeps of Bartholomew Kuma's gigantic hands, with each of them devoted to advancing their individual skills and abilities until their long-awaited reunion as a crew, how could they not expect a few surprises? But while hair styles and heights and even Franky's odd but intriguing new modifications to his bulky frame are one thing, this- well, this is another matter entirely.

The first hints that something might be amiss with their swordsman don't necessarily arise when he fails to meet them in the grove where the Thousand Sunny's docked but rather when Silvers Rayleigh appears in his stead, explaining that not only did Zoro arrive several days before the rest of them but if they want to collect their green-haired friend, Luffy and several of the others will need to accompany him on a brief side-trip to his and Shakky's place. And when upon hearing Sanji's muttered derogatory comment about the necessity of separating a wayward fool from his booze, Rayleigh merely gives a single shake of his grey head, expression grave and vaguely troubled, that's when they begin to understand that something rather more serious than a poor sense of direction or an unwavering love for alcohol has prevented Zoro from joining them.

xxx

"The- the EYE didn't really surprise me. I mean, I figured a few more scars-" Nami says helplessly, unable to prevent herself from staring despite her best efforts. "… okay, maybe more than a few, since this is YOU we're talking about. But scars? Sure. Lots of scars. LOADS of them. Maybe even-"

"An amputated limb or two?" Zoro asks, tone tinged with dry humor. He raises his drink, swallows the dregs, and utters a derisive snort as he slams the empty tankard down on the table. "Honestly, just having both legs MISSING ENTIRELY probably would've been a hell of a lot easier learning to live with than- than- THIS." He's ignoring Luffy, who's pacing back and forth behind his chair, gawking at him with enormous, incredulity-filled eyes.

Seated beside him, Robin's studying him with far more polite curiosity. "I must say though, you appear to be handling it remarkably well, Kenshi-san."

"What choice've I really had? Look, you gotta remember, I've had nearly a year to-" Zoro grimaces. "Well, I was gonna say I've had more than a year to GET USED to it, but that's a load of bullshit 'cause I'm not sure it's something I CAN get used to, not after spending nearly TWENTY years- basically my entire life- being- well…"

"N-NOT this way?" Usopp offers hesitantly.

"Exactly. Being NORMAL." Frowning, the swordsman runs a fingertip through the ring of condensation beaded on the tabletop's wooden surface where his drink had initially been sitting. "Every time I think I finally got things under control- that I got it all figured out and there's no more surprises- some weird new crap pops up and I realize I don't know ANYTHING." His gaze slides sideways to land on Chopper. "'Cause it's not like there's a book or a medical manual or something that says how this- how I- work now, 'n… well, let's just say my- ah, my internal anatomy's gotten… pretty complicated."

"W-We'll- we WILL figure it out," the doctor promises, although he sounds far more confident than he looks because his own gaze is locked on the trembling hooves he's resting on the table before him rather than on Zoro's face.

"Oi… Chopper…"

At the sound of his name being spoken so softly, the reindeer finally looks up with visible reluctance- and gulps audibly. "Zoro, I'm- I'm SORRY, it's just-"

"It's a shock; trust me, I know. 'N I'm betting you think I smell kinda funny now too- or at least a lot different from what you remember..." The corners of Zoro's mouth twitch upwards in a somewhat melancholy smile. "I'm still me, though, you know that- right?"

Chopper inhales slowly through his nose and straightens, pressing his hooves more firmly against the tabletop to quell their shaking, and nods. He's still having difficulty meeting the swordsman's gaze, but he's making a valiant effort anyway, relieved that at least Zoro's VOICE hasn't changed. "Y-You said you've been like this o-over a year?"

"Yeah. I've got some notes 'n shit- around here- somewhere-" He's digging in his haramaki, the upper hem of it visible above the place the open flaps of his coat overlap. "Hopefully you can read 'em. I was really runnin' outta space during the last month or so 'n Hawkeyes was such a stingy BASTARD with his damn parchment, I-"

"Hawk- MIHAWK?" Sanji interrupts. "THAT Hawkeyes?"

"Yeah, that Hawkeyes," Zoro agrees, hand emerging from his waistband clutching a thick wad of badly crumpled pages which he tosses across the table to Chopper. "Of course, HE found the whole thing entertaining as fuck. Said he found it, I quote-" He squints slightly, brow furrowing as he recalls his mentor's words. "'-a fascinating diversion from my usual tiresome routine.' God, what a pretentious asshole that guy can be sometimes."

"PLEASE tell me there's something about your dietary needs in all this chicken-scratch," the cook mutters as he peers over the reindeer's shoulder at the papers being gingerly unfolded. "-because I have NO idea what the hell I'm supposed to feed you now, Marimo."

"Oi, Zoro?"

"Well, at least from what I can tell, my system can handle pretty much everything I ate before- only my meals gotta be way more protein-heavy 'n I DEFINITELY need bigger portions."

"… how much bigger are we talking?"

"Zo-rooo-"

"Not quite as much as you'd normally give Luffy but pretty darn close." The swordsman barks brief laughter at the expression of pure distress that passes over Nami's face. "Don't worry too much about the budget, okay? We didn't get many deliveries on Kurigana 'n there wasn't much in the way of local hunting either- unless you really wanted to eat baboon- so I ended up doing a hell of a lot of fishing. In fact, I've gotten pretty damn good at-"

Their captain's peering has progressed to persistent prodding as he squats on the floor beside Zoro's chair to examine his lower half more closely. "Zo-ro. Zo-ro. OI, ZO-RO."

"Will you quit poking me? Jeez, Sencho, WHAT?"

"Zoro, do you-"

"I swear to god, Luffy- if you're gonna ask me if I still shit- or HOW- I'm gonna fuckin' strangle you with my bare hands."

"I wasn't gonna ask that! I was gonna ask if you remember what it was shaped like. The fruit?"

Zoro blinks, brow furrowing slightly.

"I was curious myself," Nami admits. "-but I was also a little afraid to ask. You did always say you'd never want an ability of ANY kind, even if you had your choice of which one."

"Yeah, Marimo. How the hell'd you manage to accidentally eat one of those damn things after hearing nearly half the crew describe what they look like?"

"Wait-" Zoro's turning his head to survey each of their faces in turn. "You guys think I-"

Correctly interpreting his confusion faster than the others, Robin leans forward in her seat. "Kenshi-san, are you saying this is NOT the result of one of the Akuma no Mi?"

"Hell no! I mean, I get WHY you guys would assume that 'n to be honest, it'd make a lot more damn sense than what actually happened. But no, I haven't become an ability user. It wasn't a devil's fruit that did this to me." Shaking his head, Zoro drops his palm on the handle of one of the katana strapped at his side, the last foot or so of his massive tail flexing in a slow, undulating motion that can only indicate intense irritation. "Nah, I've got fucking Kitetsu here to thank for it."

"Your SWORD?" "But how-" "Whoa, COOL!" This last exclamation of undeniable delight from Luffy, who offers Zoro a blank look when the older pirate turns to glare down at him in exasperation. "What? Zoro, that means you can still swim! Right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can still swim."

Luffy reaches out a hand to run gentle fingers over the gleaming scales, slowly outlining the yellowish-green blotch at the center of one of the black-bordered patches decorating the side of the sinuous, muscular mottled green flesh that now begins below the swordsman's waist at a point currently hidden by his haramaki and partially buttoned coat.

Zoro twitches away despite his best efforts to hold still, his upper body swaying slightly as he shifts and nervously resettles his lower half, tightening the coils intended to keep his torso positioned at a relatively normal height in his seat.

The captain's gaze darts immediately towards his face, anxiously searching his expression as something like dismay flickers in his eyes. "Does- does getting touched down there hurt?" Clearly very concerned but trying not to let it show any more than absolutely necessary.

"Nah, it doesn't hurt, it's just weird." Seeing his old boyfriend look somewhat taken aback at this, Zoro flushes, embarrassed by his own inarticulateness. "Sorry, Sencho. It's- it's not you- I promise. It's just, y'know, the whole-" He awkwardly indicates himself. "-scales and a tail thing."

"… so then Zoro's NOT bothered 'cause it's been such a long time since-?"

Sanji clears his throat loudly. "Oi, you can sort out your shitty love life later, you guys. I'd like to hear more about how Marimo's sword turned him half snake."

Truthfully, Zoro's more relieved than annoyed by the interruption. There's definitely a long discussion he and Luffy need to have, preferably sooner rather than later, but he'd also much rather it be held in private once they return to the ship, without three-quarters of the crew serving as their captive audience and Rayleigh likely eavesdropping from the next room.

"You remember me mentioning a while back, how Kitetsu's a cursed blade?" Seeing several of his nakama respond with hesitant nods, he crosses his arms and leans forward to rest them on the tabletop. "There's lots of rumors about it bringing terrible ends to its previous owners, but not many details about how they died or what exactly happened to them BEFORE they died. Me 'n Mihawk spent the last year digging up every source we could get our hands on, and we didn't find shit."

He's silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and they wait patiently for him to continue. Even Luffy, who's now seated on the floor beside him, leaning against the chair and fiddling quietly with the string suspending his hat against his upper back.

"I've always had a- a FEELING about it, though, right from the beginning. Since the first time I held it. Nothing specific I could put my finger on, but- I always know where it is without looking. And- when I'm wielding it, it feels… hungry." He hesitates, trying to read their expressions. "It's always been hard to handle, too quick to draw blood, pushing me to take shit further than I need to… to be more bloodthirsty." Looking down to where his hands have curled into fists. "He's not sure, 'cause we don't know how long any of Kitetsu's OTHER owners were able to carry it without being affected, but- Mihawk thinks I might've got hit with the curse when Kuma absolutely trashed our asses the LAST time we were here, while I was still fucked up from-" His mouth quirks slightly. "-all those crazy battles on that ship island where we found Brook. Like it took control when- when my luck finally ran out and I was too weak to fight back…"

He glosses over the actual process of the transformation, opting to spare them the details. They don't need to know how it started with fleeting pain in his feet, something he at first dismissed as the sort of tissue damage typically associated with extensive and particularly vigorous training. But how one morning he'd stumbled out of bed to find two of the toes on his left foot fused together, both oddly discolored as though badly bruised, and the joints of the others warped. Cartilage and bone subtly shifted beneath the skin. Both feet aching so badly, it hurt to walk.

The process had sped up drastically after that, intense pain and high fever consuming his body and mind, rendering him bed-bound, helpless and raving for nearly two weeks while first his ankles and knees, then his calves, and finally his thighs fused. The bones within them softening, melting into one another and lengthening, developing spiky protrusions to serve as the rib cage of his new serpentine lower half. The whole configuration anchoring itself to his spine while nerves, veins, arteries rerouted and even organs expanded and adjusted themselves.

Later, after he'd regained enough lucidity and strength to honor the bargain he'd made with Kitetsu, performing an act he knows many people would've found unthinkable, he'd asked Perona- tasked with caring for him during the ordeal- exactly what she'd witnessed while he'd been lost in the throes of agony and unable to communicate with anyone- or thing- save with the dispassionate voice of the katana humming in his pain-addled head. The ghost girl had somehow managed to blanch despite her already pallid complexion and stubbornly refused to tell him.

He'd eventually learned from Mihawk how he'd spent days screaming and writhing, delirious, while his lower half made the transition from legs to tail. And skin to scales. It'd been a bloody process, the epidermis, dermis and hypodermis alike splitting open, sloughing off the exposed muscle in patches to reveal the snakeskin growing beneath them. They'd been forced to bind his wrists to prevent him from unconsciously clawing at the open wounds.

Perona had fully expected him to die, from the shock and pain alone if not from actual blood loss. Together she and Mihawk had been able to keep him hydrated, barely, but getting food into him had been another matter entirely. When his fever had eventually broken one evening and he'd woken trembling and drenched in sweat, finally fully conscious of who he was and where and aware of Kitetsu's role in his predicament, he'd been drastically underweight, largely due to not eating but also because the transformation had stretched the raw materials of his flesh and bone far, far beyond their means.

It'd taken him a long time to recover his strength, regain his original weight and then finally start putting on new muscle- far longer than it'd taken him to become completely frustrated with his uncooperative body and itching to learn how to traverse the castle and its surrounding grounds without legs. And also longer than it'd taken him to become accustomed to viewing the world around him without the benefit of depth perception. Getting used to having one eye had been EASY compared to the rest.

"While I was drifting in 'n out of consciousness 'cause the pain was bad enough I kept passing out, Kitetsu… offered me a choice. Do nothing, let the curse continue moving up my body, changing me, 'til my heart eventually gave out or I decided to end the pain by killing myself or convincing somebody else to put me out of my misery… or- I could strike a bargain, give up something of great value." Zoro touches fingertips to the seam of scar tissue bisecting the closed lids of his left eye. "I knew I could deal with having only one eye. But I couldn't do shit dead."

The majority of faces turned towards him look at least vaguely ill. No one asks him HOW the transaction had been completed, and he's glad. He doesn't want to explain that he'd needed to do it himself, shedding his own blood using Kitetsu itself to satisfy the katana's blood-lust and honor their bargain.

"Unfortunately… giving up the eye only stopped me from changing more. It didn't- y'know- REVERSE anything that'd already been done, so… looks like I'm stuck like this."

"Perhaps it's for the best, as I imagine the results of any further interference could have been much worse. I'd say you've been quite lucky."

"Robin!" Nami exclaims, aghast. "How could you SAY such a thing?"

"Because our swordsman's alive and, from what I can see, fully functional," the historian explains, undisturbed by the dubious look Usopp's also giving her. "It appears as though he's retained muscular control of his lower body despite the transformation, and all of his vital systems - circulatory, respiratory, digestive - must be working properly… or else he wouldn't be here speaking to us."

Beside her, Chopper's nodding his agreement.

"Yeah, 'cause I'd be dead. Mihawk said pretty much the same damn thing." Zoro sighs. "-'n while I sure as shit wouldn't have CHOSEN this, at least it's not just some dumb hunk of limp meat attached to the rest of me." He leans away from the table, hooking an arm over the back of his chair to support his torso as his lower body uncoils, muscles rippling beneath the green and black and yellow scales. The tip of his tail rises to slip through the handle of his empty tankard and curl firmly around its middle, raising it in the air several times before carefully setting it down and retreating.

"Whoooa," Luffy breathes, eyes glinting.

Zoro grins at him. "Don't ask how many drinks I knocked over or dumped in my damn lap learning to do THAT trick. Water 'n booze wasn't too bad, okay- but hot tea? Ouch."

"Oi, Marimo, if you know for sure- without a doubt- that your sword did this, then…"

Smile fading, Zoro turns to meet the cook's gaze. "You wanna know why I've still got it."

"Sanji-kun's got a point…"

"Yeah, why didn't you get rid of it?" asks Usopp with a shudder as he stares uneasily at Kitetsu, the sword's dried blood-colored wrap and gold accents protruding with deceptive innocence alongside the handles of its fellow katana.

"How? I give it to somebody else, maybe they end up with the damn curse too. I try'n hide it somewhere, I risk somebody finding it anyway." The swordsman sighs. "Better it stays where I can keep an eye on it 'n make absolutely sure it can't do this shit to anyone else." He glances down at his side. "Besides, I'm not sure I COULD get rid of it anyway- for all I know, it might get pissed off 'n decide to finish what it started."

"You… do realize you're talking about that thing like it's alive," Sanji points out, eyebrow raised.

Zoro shrugs. "Kinda hard not to, when it's been in my head, talking to me." He gives the katana's handle a light pat with his palm. "It's been pretty quiet since then. Can't say I mind, but… I can't really go back to thinking of it the same way I used to either."

The cook continues staring at him, quite obviously full of doubt yet also not willing to ask aloud if Kitetsu truly spoke or if he simply imagined the whole thing while lost in fever dreams, but that's alright. Zoro doesn't need the sword murmuring inside his skull to sense it's presently content to rest sheathed on his hip until the next battle.

The resulting lull in conversation brings Rayleigh leaning through the doorway leading to the next room and clearing his throat to gain their attention, expression apologetic, almost as though he's intruding in his own kitchen. "Luffy-kun?"

"Uhn?" the Straw Hat captain replies without looking up. He's resumed brushing his fingertips along his swordsman's lower half, gingerly trailing them down the broad scutes that run across his tail's underside and watching in fascination as the flesh ripples under his touch. "Oi, Zoro, does that tickle?"

Seeing their benefactor raise an eyebrow, clearly amused by Luffy's preoccupation, Zoro feels his face growing hotter and fights the urge to slouch off his seat and slide onto the floor beneath the table. Instead, he curls his tail tip around the younger man's wrist, firmly guiding his hand away from the rather dangerous territory into which it's been straying as it nears the last couple of feet.

He hadn't been kidding when he'd warned Chopper that his anatomy's gotten complicated, and now's most certainly not the time for the doctor- or anyone else- to learn about one of the more personal physiological changes.

Thankfully, Luffy's happy to give up exploring that final stretch of belly in favor of admiring the unusual new bracelet he's acquired, roaming fingers stopping shy of probing the broad ventral scute concealing and protecting the more sensitive areas of green-haired pirate's new lower body. Much to Zoro's relief, because while he's fairly certain that particular scale fits too snugly against the others for his captain to accidentally poke beneath it, sticking a finger into what passes for his serpentine half's genitals, he'd rather be safe than sorry.

Rayleigh clears his throat again, and this time he succeeds in capturing Luffy's gaze. "Your shipwright would like a word with you." He gestures to the next room as the rubber man reluctantly allows the tail tip to unwind from his wrist and slide through his open fingers on its way back to the floor. "The den den's this way."

There's a moment of awkward silence after the two men leave the room, as the others find themselves torn between trying not to stare at Zoro and satisfying their natural curiosity, but then they hear Luffy addressing the den den mushi with "Oi, this is Monkey D. Luffy, the guy who's gonna be the Pirate King!" and everyone's forced smiles dissolve into laughter.

"Some things NEVER change, eh," Zoro snorts.

"I wish I could see Franky's face right now," Nami sighs, shaking her head, and then leans forward slightly to address the swordsman directly. "Zoro, do me a favor?"

"Depends on what it is- 'n how much it'll cost me."

"No charge for this one. Just- do me a favor and stick out your tongue?"

Zoro shifts in his chair, eyeing her dubiously, and then slowly, reluctantly, allows his lips to part far enough to make his tongue visible where it's resting behind his lower teeth. He watches Nami's eyes widen almost imperceptibly and knows exactly what she- and their crew mates- are seeing.

He takes a breath and Usopp, who's slid closer to get a better view, actually jerks backwards in surprise at the sight of the small hole gaping open briefly near the base of his forked tongue. "Wh- what the HELL was that?"

"Do that again, Marimo," Sanji demands.

Zoro glares at him, but Robin's now leaning closer as well, her eyes keen with interest below the sunglasses holding her dark hair back from her face. "Yes, Kenshi-san, please do."

He hesitates long enough to let the cook know he's humoring the historian, not him, before taking another deeper breath.

This time it's Chopper who speaks up first, his fascination with his nakama's new anatomy overriding his nervousness as he scrambles over the tabletop to seize Zoro by the cheeks while damn near shoving his nose into his mouth in his excitement. "You- you have a glottis!"

"He's got a WHAT?" "Intriguing." "I don't know what that is, but it sounds dirty…"

"The trachea's completely separated from the esophagus!" Chopper exclaims. He's been tilting Zoro's head back and forth to peer into his throat, a procedure the green-haired man's enduring with bemused patience. "They've each got their own unique orifice now, instead of being partially joined at the back of the oral cavity. And the uvula's just- just GONE."

"The who-what now?" Usopp asks, looking slightly startled.

"Uvula. That dangly thing in the back of your throat," Nami informs him dryly. "NOT whatever YOU were probably thinking."

"Yes, I said uvula, not vulva," Chopper confirms absentmindedly as he continues peering into Zoro's open mouth. "It's an anatomical structure only found in humans, and the lack of one, combined with the presence of a glottis rather than an epiglottis, means his respiratory system's probably almost entirely reptilian..." He tilts his head, examining the swordsman's throat and chest with a critical eye. "Zoro, how long can you hold your bre-?"

"-'N HE GOT TURNED HALF SNAKE!" Luffy yells suddenly from the other room, having obviously reached this point in his out-of-sight discussion with Franky.

Startled, Zoro exhales a bit more sharply than he intended, and the air escaping his lungs emerges as a loud, ominous HISSSSS of displeasure as it forces its way through the now-closed opening leading to his windpipe.

Chopper reels backwards, arms windmilling for a moment before he crashes down on his rump on the tabletop, and Nami and Usopp utter simultaneous little shrieks of surprise which they just as quickly smother, shooting each other looks of embarrassed amusement.

Sanji, staring, visible eyebrow raised, remains quiet for all of five seconds. "Hmm. So that's what an angry cactus sounds like…"

"Stuff a cork in it, shit cook," Zoro retorts hotly, his face blazing, just as Luffy pokes his head through the doorway to squint suspiciously at everyone and ask if anybody else just heard something "really weird, like somebody sitting on a cat" and then disappears again to resume his call.

"You weren't kidding about your body getting complicated," Nami muses, having recovered from her brief fright. "As if the tail wasn't enough by itself!"

"You don't know the half of it," Zoro mutters under his breath- and freezes when Robin, who's been watching their antics in serene silence abruptly sits up straighter in her seat with a soft "oh, oh my" as her hand rises to her mouth. From the renewed intensity of her gaze, he's got a sinking feeling that once again she knows far more about a given topic than he anticipated. In this case, a point of snake anatomy he's got NO INTENTION of sharing with anyone at this table, save- MAYBE- Chopper. MAYBE.

"Robin?" Nami asks, frowning.

The historian smiles gently in reassurance. "I was just contemplating how difficult a time our doctor might have treating our swordsman."

 _She's so full of shit- that's totally NOT what she was just_ -

But Chopper's nodding along happily in agreement. "It'll be a challenge, but I'm sure we'll figure out between Zoro and I, right, Zoro?"

"S-Sure…" the swordsman replies weakly, managing a smile that he's grateful doesn't feel too strained. He scratches at the back of his neck, trying to ignore Robin's speculative expression while Chopper beams up at him.

He's rescued from needing to contribute anything further by the arrival of Luffy, who comes bounding back into the dining room brimming with excitement and talking nonstop about the Thousand Sunny and Franky's insistence on them returning immediately in the event any special accommodations need to be made before their departure. The energetic entrance is more than enough to divert everyone's attention.

But then, before Zoro knows what's happening, he's being hauled straight out of his chair by his captain's arms coiled around his torso beneath his armpits, and this too is familiar, although he'd sort of forgotten just how damn strong Luffy is and he knows for a fact that he weighs a hell of a lot more since his legs decided to fuse into a goddamn tail. And he's being lifted with ease, Luffy chattering away in his ear about how their shipwright will make sure the ship's fully accessible to him in this new form.

He's tempted to point out that he's still got arms with functional hands at the ends of them and therefore fully capable of traversing the Sunny's many ladders- it's not like he's ALL snake- but that's evidently a conversation for another time, because the others are rising to their feet and pushing in their chairs, and the conversation's shifted to questions and comments centered on how they're going to get him to the docks and aboard the ship without attracting unwanted attention.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: I've had several people ask if Zoro's serpent half references a particular species of snake. His coloration, anatomy, and certain elements of his behavior are based on _Eunectes murinus_ , the green anaconda.

xxx

"Okay, okay, we're on the ship- now put me DOWN," Zoro insists, one hand pushing at Luffy's chest while the other latches tightly onto the railing of the staircase beside the main mast before his captain's able to move past and carry him through the men's quarters' door. "I can w-" He makes an aggravated noise. "Well, alright, I can't WALK exactly, but you don't gotta carry me!"

He could probably wriggle himself free since Luffy's toting him along modified bridal style with the last few feet of his tail trailing over one shoulder, but he's not too keen about the thought of face-planting into the lawn deck if he can't catch himself using his hands before he hits the ground. God knows he's embarrassed enough already, being treated like a particularly unwieldy sack of potatoes.

Evidently unsure how to let go without dropping him when there's no longer a pair of feet to set him on, Luffy performs an awkward squat and tries to literally lay him down on his back, apologizing with a hasty "oop, sorry" when Zoro clings to his shoulders and knocks his hat askew in the effort to claw his way upright again. "I just thought it'd be faster if I helped…"

"C'mon, I'm not THAT much slower." Indignant, the swordsman relaxes his stranglehold and eases away, letting Luffy get a good look at how the thickest portion of his snake half's more than capable of supporting his human torso and allowing it to remain vertical even when it's not coiled beneath him. "I might look 'n feel a lot heavier now, but y'gotta remember this thing's like one gigantic muscle." He raises the end of his tail and curls it like he's flexing a bicep.

"Marimo, if he HADN'T hauled your scaly, mossy ass all the way to the ship, you'd still be back there wandering around in circles 'til somebody slapped some cuffs on you and hauled you off to the auction hall."

"Oi, they could TRY. Or you forgetting who helped you cut down that Pacifista? Ah, hi, Franky. Brook."

"You only kept up because Luffy THREW you at the thing to free up his fists," Sanji argues. "And I COULD'VE taken it out on my own."

"Bullshhhit," Zoro retorts, wincing internally when his irritation turns the curse into an unintentional hiss that makes Franky and Brook exchange a look of surprise and Chopper take an involuntary step backwards.

Luffy doesn't react to the sound; his eyes are on the ground, his expression more delighted than disconcerted. "Oi, Zoro… didja know your tail, kinda like, twitches when you're mad?"

Now twice as flustered, Zoro gathers the appendage in question beneath him, looping the tip around one of his coils to prevent it from continuing to flick back and forth- only to have Franky, who's somehow produced a measuring tape from the middle of one gigantic palm, begin scolding him in a mild tone for making it more difficult to ascertain his exact length.

"We don't have time for that," Nami tells the shipwright, hand on his forearm. "There's no way those Pacifistas were here alone. We need to get out of here."

Sure enough, the heads of passersby on the nearby docks are beginning to turn towards the entrance of the grove as commotion rises in the direction of the island's interior.

Glad for the distraction, Zoro uses the coils under him to push his torso higher, moving hand-over-hand up the railing so he's in less danger of toppling over while balancing on his tail for a better look at whatever's happening. "Yeah, you heard Perona. She said she overheard reports the Marines were gonna be comin' after us, but that doesn't mean there's not a shit-ton of them here already." He looks down at Luffy. "Sencho?"

The others follow his gaze, and the captain, who's climbed up to stand on the platform circling the mast, nods decisively. "Let's go!"

"On it," Franky declares, retracting the measuring tape back into his palm with a loud snap before hurrying off.

Until the coating's activated and the ship can descend, there's not much to do but wait, so Zoro turns his attention to the harbor, fingers tightening on the railing when he sees there's at least two vessels approaching. One he's never seen the likes of before- and one with the unmistakable sails of a Marine warship. "Oh, shhhit- USOPP, GET YOUR ASS TO A STARBOARD SIDE CANNON!"

The sniper's rushing in that direction when the unidentified ship abruptly cuts across the path of the Marines' bow, forcing the men behind the cannons to stand down. There's someone shouting. A haughty feminine voice cutting across the water to the Sunny, berating the Marine captain and his officers.

"Who the hell-?" Zoro squints his remaining eye as he strains to make out the face of the woman raising her voice, cursing his lack of a spyglass like those Usopp and Sanji are clutching to their faces. He catches a glimpse of long dark hair, large dangling earrings- and then the majority of his fellow male crew mates lose their shit.

Brook's rambling. The cook's making a strangled sort of screeching noise, no surprise there. Even Usopp's mouth is hanging open. Chopper's looking back and forth between them, unaffected but excited by their excitement, while Luffy's raised a hand to shield his eyes as he peers curiously in the stranger's direction.

And then Zoro hears Robin, who's speaking to Nami, mention the Kuja and the Pirate Empress and he knows EXACTLY who's unexpectedly assisted them.

Hooking an elbow over the railing, he lashes out, his katana rattling at his hip as he snatches the spyglass from Sanji's nerveless fingers with his tail tip and flips it into the air where he can grab it one-handed. Ignoring his crew mate's immediate shouts of protest and the foot that smacks into his mottled side.

It's her alright. He's never seen the woman before, but he read about her and her sisters and her island of women while digging up everything he could about snakes outside the normal non-speaking and strictly belly-crawling variety, and he'd learned a lot more from Mihawk, who'd not only met her but attended the same meetings as a fellow Shichibukai. Or at least the ones she deigned to attend, anyway. Because according to his mentor, she's-

"Oh, it's Hancock!" comes Luffy's bemused voice from below, and the swordsman nearly drops his stolen spyglass at the recognition in his captain's tone and the way the Pirate Empress turns her head to look towards him at the sound of his voice.

 _How the hell do they know- … wait, what the fuck- did she just WINK this way_?

The woman starts to glance away again- only to do an abrupt double-take, her head swinging back in the Sunny's direction, and Zoro feels a chill shiver up the human half of his spine as he realizes she's not looking at Luffy this time but staring directly at HIM. At first she just seems confused- likely wondering what exactly she's seeing, although he's not quite sure HOW she can even see him from that distance- but then her fine brows furrow into a frown and the set of her mouth tightens into a moue of displeasure.

"Oi, Zoro?" Usopp calls from the lawn below. "Why's that Shichibukai glaring at you? Do you know her too?"

"I have absolutely no fuckin' clue."

"Marimo, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO OFFEND THAT- THAT GODDESS I'VE BEEN BLESSED TO WITNESS IN ALL HER GLORIOUS SPLENDOR, YOU INCONSIDERATE-"

"STOP KICKING ME, YOU ASSHOLE," Zoro snarls down at Sanji. "I didn't DO anything! This is the first time I've ever seen that woman before; I don't know why she's pissed at me!"

"Uh, it's not anything Zoro did… I think for Hancock, it's more that he exists…"

Taken aback, the swordsman shoots Luffy a look of disbelief.

The rubber man's grimacing. "It's a long story, okay? She doesn't like guys in general 'n they're not allowed on the island, but when I ended up there she decided she wanted to marry me or something 'n I dunno WHY but obviously I said no 'cause- y'know-" He gestures back and forth between Zoro and himself. "-so she, like, kinda really, really hates Zoro…"

"You?" Sanji moans. "You spent the last two years on the ISLE OF WOMEN and that beautiful GODDESS wants to marry YOU?"

Zoro ignores the cook's whining, continuing to stare at Luffy while he struggles to process what he's just heard. Not so much that Pirate Empress Boa Hancock hates him with a passion even though they've never exchanged a single word OR that she's apparently head-over-heels for his captain - although these things are both extremely strange in themselves - but that Luffy assumed- ASSUMES- they're still a couple after being separated for two years.

Honestly, he'd be glad- he'd be happy as hell- if he wasn't so goddamn anxious about what Kitetsu's done to him. Right now, Luffy doesn't appear to have any qualms about picking up their relationship right where it left off- but will he feel the same way once he understands the full extent of the changes?

 _I've had this body for over a year but there's STILL shit about it that seriously freaks me out_ …

In any case, concerns about his boyfriend's reaction to discovering just how weird things could get if they pursue their previous intimacy will have to wait, because Franky's returned, hauling himself over the portside railing and hollering for everyone to get ready because the buoyancy bag's been deployed. And sure enough, the coating on the ship's surface is inflating, rising around the crew and past them to form a massive bubble dome over the main deck.

Zoro scans the area directly below to make sure he won't land on anyone, then releases the staircase rail, landed heavily on the grass with his tail looped in loose coils beneath him to break his fall. Twisting around to face Luffy, who's practically vibrating with excitement where he's standing on the bench before the gathered crew, asking Nami if they're ready to go.

The Sunny's submerging, seawater creeping up the hull, lapping even with the lawn deck and then rising above it, moving up the sides of the bubble dome.

The crew watches with widened eyes and open mouths, and his captain's laughing in giddy excitement, but Zoro finds himself holding his breath, fingers resting on the solid handles of his katana- for all the good they'll be should the dome begin to leak- and heart pounding harder in his chest. Less concerned for himself than for the ship and the others.

But when the water closes over the bubble, far above their heads, it holds.

He releases the air trapped in his lungs- slowly to avoid issuing one of those startlingly loud hissing noises- and turns his attention back to Luffy, who's looking at each of them in turn as he issues what- for him- constitutes a fairly elaborate speech. Thanking them for "going along with" his "selfish whims" and while Sanji and Usopp are joking, calling him out for being the same as always, Zoro's chest aches upon hearing those self-deprecating words.

If there's anyone who's suffered during these past two years, it's Luffy. Whatever agony the swordsman himself endured during his unexpected transformation, he suspects it's nothing compared to what his captain felt following the events at Marineford.

His gaze strays to the enormous starburst of scar tissue crisscrossing the younger man's chest, visible within his unbuttoned shirt as he raises both arms and shouts the order to "SET SAIL!" and the sight of it makes his breath catch in his throat again. Just as it has every time he's gotten a glimpse of the damage since Luffy bounded through the doorway of Rayleigh's home, stopped dead in his tracks, and bellowed "ZORO'S GOT A TAIL!" to the nakama piling up against his back.

They need to talk about them, sure- but they also need to talk about Marineford. And Ace.

 _Wherever this whole thing goes with us… whatever happens, happens. He might be one the toughest people I know, but it doesn't mean he can carry the weight of THAT by himself. 'N even if he CAN, it doesn't mean he SHOULD_. Zoro squares his jaw, lifts his gaze back to Luffy's jubilant face. _Either way- I'm not gonna let him do this alone_.

xxx

 _Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This fucking SUCKS_ , Zoro groans to himself. _Damn it, Sencho, why'd you hafta go after that frickin' kraken_. Nevermind the fact that he'd been just as eager to attack the thing himself, although he'd been a lot more interested in EATING it than taming it.

That'd been before he'd discovered just how goddamn cold it was in the darkening ocean depths surrounding the Sunny. Because while the lawn deck inside the bubble dome had certainly been getting chillier, it'd been a sauna compared to the inside of the much smaller flutter-kick bubble once he'd departed the ship with Luffy and Sanji.

He'd been alright at first, unhindered by the coating as he'd undulated his serpentine lower body through the water to slice apart one of the kraken's tentacles with a brutal santoryu attack. But then he'd backed off on Luffy's orders to let his captain try throwing a punch at the creature instead, and the moment he'd stopped moving, the intense cold had started seeping into his joints and stiffening his muscles.

When the current had swept the three of them away from the ship, it'd been a near thing. If Luffy hadn't flung an arm after him and caught him around the middle, he's not sure he would've had the energy to swim for the other bubbles. Even now that they've all crowded into one bubble, he's huddled between his crew mates with his tail coiled as tightly around himself as possible, fighting to stay awake. His body doesn't like this, and it's determined to sleep until the cold goes away.

And the deeper they're swept, the colder and darker it gets, until he's shivering uncontrollably and slurring his speech through chattering teeth when he tries to tell Sanji to quit whining about how tightly they're packed together and how he'd much rather be sharing such close quarters with "Nami-san and Robin-chan." The cook doesn't even need to raise a hand to fend off the sluggish tail swat attempted at the back of his skull. It falls too short to connect.

Zoro's actually on the verge of losing consciousness entirely when heat flares along his opposite side, and he's largely unaware of his body moving instinctively towards it, but after a few minutes, his brain registers that he's no longer shivering. It's not until he wakes up enough to recognize the sounds he's hearing as muffled laughter, however, that he registers he's curled around Luffy. And not JUST curled around his captain but trying to cram himself inside the rubber man's open shirt to get as much direct contact with his bare skin as possible.

It's pitch black and before he can stop it, his tongue flickers out in a futile attempt to scent the air beyond the bubble. It elicits frantic thrashing and a deafening SCREECH from Luffy- an expulsion of garbled howling laughter that might be something along the lines of "ZORO, THAT'S MY ARMPIT!"

Luffy. Sweat. Barbecue sauce? Sanji. Cigarette smoke. Some atrocious aftershave. Shoe polish. Sweat underneath it all. _Holy shit, the cook REEKS_.

He struggles not to wretch, jamming his face against Luffy's chest and fighting to breathe more shallowly, prompting another yip of surprise.

Sanji's swearing, squirming, evidently trying to put distance between them. "GODDAMN IT, YOU BASTARDS BETTER NOT BE MAKING OUT OVER THERE. Don't you dare think I won't kick both your nasty, horny asses right out of this shitty bubble!"

"We're not doing anything!" Luffy protests, arms tensing and only now does the swordsman realize they're wrapped around his torso, hugging him close. "Zoro was freezing so I used Gear Second!"

"I was too but you didn't hear ME complaining," the cook mutters, perhaps not as quietly as he meant.

"Saaanji, he's part SNAKE now, remember? 'N snakes don't like the cold! Marguerite said so- she told me the Kuja gotta be super careful when they leave the island 'cause if they take their snakes anywhere too cold, they gotta make sure they can keep 'em warm."

"… for the love of- why the hell didn't you just stay on the ship, idiot moss?"

This time Zoro's got enough energy to slap Sanji's shoulder with the back of one hand. "I was FINE 'til we ended up d-down here. Or at least doing alright." Then more quietly. "I didn't think it'd be that big a deal. I mean, I'm not ALL snake…"

He's fully awake now, but there's no way he's budging, not when he can tell Luffy's already beginning to cool off as his body resumes its normal temperature. The heat produced by Gear Second won't last forever, and he isn't sure how many times Luffy can activate it before he needs to refuel. And refueling means food.

"Oi, where'd the kraken go?" he asks, lifting his head so he can rest his chin on his captain's shoulder. "Wasn't it right behind us?"

"He was…" It might be dark, but Luffy's tone is the same as when he's got that perplexed, mildly disgruntled expression. "Maybe he can help us find the ship again!"

"I guess," Zoro says doubtfully. He can feel Luffy shifting, letting go of him to push at the closest portion of the bubble wall. Beside them, the cook gives a grunt of protest and mumbles something about needing a cigarette, and Zoro decides on the spot that if he tries to light one, he's going to straight-up constrict him. Their air's already limited without somebody setting shit on fire and wasting the remaining oxygen.

"OOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Luffy screams suddenly, voice oddly muffled as though he's pressing his face against the bubble but still loud enough to make his nakama both jump and, in Zoro's case, hiss. "OI, OCTOPUS GUY! OVER HERE!" He sucks in another huge breath. "WHERE ARE YOUUU?"

Wincing, Zoro starts to fumble a finger into one ear in case the rubber man continues yelling- and hesitates, squinting into the darkness. "Oi- oi, anybody else see that? That weird glow over there?" He points, realizes he can barely see his own hand in front of his face and lowers it. Beside him, he can feel Sanji twisting, turning to look in the same direction.

"-the hell?"

There's an orb in front of them, floating in the water like the moon hanging in the sky and emanating a sickly green light that's slowly intensifying as it moves closer, until the interior of their bubble's bright enough to see dim silhouettes.

"Ooo-" Luffy breathes, only for his gasp of interest to rise into a screech of dismay as the huge needle-sharp teeth and gleaming, flat black eyes directly behind the angler fish's bobbing lure loom into view.

Zoro grabs for the handles of his katana, a single snarl of "FUCK!" exploding from his lungs because the weapons are wedged between his own body and those of his crew mates. There's no way he'll be able to draw in time. He can hear Sanji cursing as well, unable to maneuver into a decent kicking position. Which means Luffy doesn't have the leverage for an attack either, and this has the potential to turn ugly very, very quickly.

Taking a deep breath, he braces himself.

What happens next, he's unsure how to describe. Still yelling, their captain's glaring at the approaching fish, one hand pressed flat against the bubble wall and the opposite arm once more clutching Zoro around the middle, when his eyes - now visible in the increased illumination - abruptly WIDEN. An invisible wave of SOMETHING- something that can't be seen but can most certainly be felt, making the swordsman's stomach drop sickeningly and his heart stutter in his chest- slams through the glimmering skin of the bubble and hits the angler fish hard enough to knock it to one side.

It tilts crazily, gives a massive shudder and then rolls belly-up and begins slowly drifting past them.

Zoro and Sanji exchange an awed glance before turning simultaneously towards Luffy, demanding an explanation. "What the hell was that?" "Is it DEAD?"

"Nah, just knocked out," Luffy tells them cheerfully. "It'll wake up in a couple minutes." He perks up, pointing into the gloom. "Oi, there he is!"

Sure enough, a tentacle substantially dwarfing their bubble is snaking towards them. The first of several. One snaps up the stunned angler fish like a toy and the kraken's bulk emerges from the shadows just in time for them to watch the unfortunate creature disappear into its maw. The orb vanishes, plunging them back into darkness.

Zoro hears a barely audible "oops" from Luffy, feels him shrug and then lean forward again to press his face against the bubble wall.

"OOOIII! I FED YOU, OKAY, SO THAT MEANS YOU'RE MY PET NOW!"

"… what kind of logic is that," the swordsman mutters and hears Sanji give a bemused snort. He jabs the cook with a elbow even though secretly he agrees that he's just asked a very silly question. Luffy's logic is- well- Luffy logic, and that's that.

The kraken also seems undecided whether this declaration has any truth behind it, but at least it's not slapping them into oblivion or trying to eat them. Instead, it's moved closer, until one enormous pupil is level with the bubble, visible in the glow of a passing swarm of tiny phosphorescent deep sea jellyfish.

 _If I could just get a sword loose- just ONE- I could stab it in the goddamn eye_ , Zoro thinks, fingers tightening on a katana's handle- and he knows without looking that it's Kitetsu. He can feel it clamoring eagerly in his head, begging for blood. _Knock it off, you bastard. You're not the one in charge here. Besides, you already got a piece of that thing earlier when I sliced up that one arm_.

"Take us back to the ship," Luffy's telling the sea monster peering at them, voice firm and unwavering.

Hearing his boyfriend's voice taking on THAT tone- the one he's always privately considered the "don't you dare fuck with me or I'll flatten you" tone- Zoro can't help grinning, because when he hears Luffy talking like that, he knows it doesn't matter whether or not the kraken intends to obey. If the thing decides it's going to follow up its angler fish snack with a trio of human tidbits then, one way or another, Luffy's gonna kick its ass.

Kitetsu doesn't appreciate the distraction. It works on him harder, prying around the edges of his mind, trying to get his attention.

He gives it a mental push, driving it backwards. _Settle down, damn it. Now that we're with him again and we're headed to the New World, you'll see plenty of fights. You don't need this one_.

The presence crowding his head makes a final attempt to slip past his guard, finds itself once again firmly rebuffed, and eases away sulking.

Zoro relaxes marginally, allowing his body to lose a little of its tension where he's resting in the semi-circle of his captain's arm. The cold's beginning to creep back in, raising goosebumps on the human half of him wherever it's not in direct contact with Luffy. The other half- the scaly half- isn't affected in any way that's visible in the dim light cast by the jellyfish pulsating back and forth around the bubble, but that sluggish torpor's returning to his muscles and stiffening his spine.

"Take us back to our ship." Luffy orders again more sternly, an authoritative growl that holds a little of the same force he utilized against the angler fish earlier, and a chill grips Zoro that's got nothing to do with the cold. More a thrill than a chill, if he's going to be completely honest with himself. "Take us back. NOW."

The kraken FLINCHES, the pupil of its eye constricting and quivering. Then, slowly, the pupil expands back to normal as the creature raises a tentacle tip to cradle the bubble in one of the numerous suction cups lining the inner curve of the appendage. Bringing them close to its body to protect them from the rush of seawater as it thrusts all its remaining legs behind it to propel itself forwards, carrying them away from the teeming jellyfish.

Pleased, Luffy sits back laughing and hugging Zoro tightly- using both arms now- and he can feel his face flushing in the dark, but he doesn't try to pull away either and thankfully Sanji must be too busy craning his neck and squinting into the black void outside the bubble to see where they're headed to pay any attention to what they're doing beside him, because he doesn't say anything.

The swordsman thinks he'd probably die before admitting it, but- being held feels pretty damn good. He's never been a particularly touchy-feely kind of guy, but he'd gotten accustomed to being jumped on and manhandled and- yeah, okay- cuddled since joining the Straw Hat crew, and after two years of scant physical contact mostly limited to incidental brushes during training sessions and post-transformation care, he's been feeling sort of, well, touch-starved.

He settles his coils more snugly around Luffy's middle, curls his tail tip around one of his captain's ankles, and utters a soft grunt as he's squeezed harder. And he doesn't let go even when the water around them begins to brighten again OR when Sanji exclaims aloud at the sight of an angler fish even larger than the one they'd previously encountered with a stout sea-giant towering over it OR when Luffy whoops "OI, LOOK, IT'S THE SHIP!" right beside to his ear and directs the kraken to continue swimming full-speed ahead.

If any of their nakama ask why he's wrapped around Luffy like the strip of nori securing the seafood in a piece of nigiri sushi… it's no big deal, really. He's just trying to stay warm, of course.


	3. Chapter 3

A hard YANK on Zoro's tail disrupts the peaceful doze into which he's slipped, lulled by the gentle swaying motion of the warm water surrounding him, and he reacts instinctively, throwing a muscular coil around his attacker to drag them down to join him. _Blasted baboons- why can't those furry bastards just leave me alo_ -!

His good eye, lids reluctantly parting to peer through what he expected to be murky water, has caught a surprisingly vivid cloud of billowing crimson fabric encompassing flailing limbs and all at once, he remembers. This isn't Kuraigana; he's not settled on the rocky bottom of one of the island's natural hot springs but on the smooth tiles of the ofuro in the bathhouse aboard the Thousand Sunny, and the figure struggling within his grasp isn't a mischievous baboon hell-bent on disturbing his rest. It's Luffy, scrabbling weakly at the muscular flesh wrapped around his middle as a mouthful of bubbles escapes his straining lungs via open mouth.

Alarmed, Zoro immediately releases his captain's waist and gathers his tail beneath him to propel them both towards the surface, hands seizing the younger man under the armpits to haul him along and thrust his head high into the open air. Listening to the resulting sputtering and choking noises with mixed relief and chagrin as he thumps Luffy's back to help him clear the water from his airway. "Sencho, what the hell were you DOING?"

"M-Me?" Luffy wheezes between huge gulps of air. "I thought- I thought you DROWNED!" He's managed to hook both elbows around the swordsman's neck, where he's clinging as though he's forgotten they're in the bathhouse and completely convinced that a wave might try to carry him out to open sea at any moment. "I came in 'n you were just-!"

 _Laying on the bottom of the ofuro with my eyes shut 'n my tail hanging over the side_ , Zoro realizes as he curls an arm around Luffy's waist to support him. "Oh jeez, Luffy, I'm SORRY." He hugs the waterlogged and panting younger man against his torso, one hand rubbing his back through the soaked fabric of his shirt. "I didn't mean to scare you- I figured I'd just close my eyes- eye- for a minute or two 'n I guess I fell asleep."

"At the- at the bottom of the bath? UNDER THE WATER?"

"Yeah, I- yeah. I would've come up when I needed air again."

"In your sleep?" Luffy demands incredulously. He frees one arm to swipe dripping hair out of his eyes before laying his hand on Zoro's chest, flat against his bare skin as it explores the expanse of his pectorals. His eyes widen. "Zoro, you're barely even outta breath!"

Maybe not, but the older pirate can feel his pulse picking up speed from the sensation of his captain's fingers trailing over his damp skin. "Ah, nah, I can- uh- hold it for a pretty long time. But yeah, I sort of- wake up just enough to surface for a second or two 'n then I can let myself drift back down for a few more minutes. I haven't actually tried timing it yet, but-" He swallows as the fingers continue moving, tracing the left side of his collarbone and dipping lightly into the hollow at the base of his neck. "I can- I think I can hold it for almost ten minutes. In shallow water, I mean, 'cause in deep water the pressure gets too-"

He stops talking, staring at Luffy. At the tiny droplets of water caught like miniature pearls in those dark eyelashes as the rubber man gazes back at him, the arm still slung around his neck squeezing a little tighter. Fingertips brushing his adam's apple on the way up his neck, stroking the underside of his chin and back along his jaw, and his heart's hammering hard in his chest when Luffy cradles his cheek and leans in to kiss him.

Zoro isn't sure how to respond at first. It's not that he doesn't want to kiss Luffy - he most certainly does - but he's afraid to return the gesture too enthusiastically, because what if his boyfriend's disturbed by the fact that his mouth doesn't seem quite right? That his tongue's split at the tip and his canine teeth are just a bit more pointed than they should be-? And if this happens to go any further- if it turns into anything more involved than kissing-

He doesn't know whether to be relieved or disconcerted when Luffy draws back slightly to murmur, "Chopper's been talkin' 'bout draggin' Zoro to the infirmary for a check-up 'n stuff now that all the fighting's over… but I wanted to get a look at him first." He strokes at the corner of the swordsman's mouth with his thumb, parting his lips gently but insistently as he slides the pad across the lower one. "I know about your tongue, okay? 'N your teeth. Nami told me." And with that, he closes the scant gap between them again.

This time Zoro kisses back more energetically- although he soon jerks back with a startled sound when he feels his partner's tongue attempting to delve past his lips.

"Too fast?" Luffy asks, peering up at him with unusual concern glimmering in his eyes.

"N-No. I mean, ye- I mean- … shit, Sencho, maybe this is just a bad idea. What if I accidentally bite you? What if I'm- like- venomous or something now? I-"

Luffy makes an exasperated noise. "ZORO, it'll be FIIINE. Now c'mon, I wanna KISS!" Then he goes still, looking startled. "Unless you don't. I mean, I do but only if you wanna too, 'n if you really don't, that's okay t-"

Zoro pulls him close, initiating their next kiss himself, and when his captain sags into his arms with a muffled sigh of satisfaction and contentment, rendered as boneless by his amorous embrace as the water in which he's more than halfway submerged, he makes a low eager noise in the back of his throat. Bracing the coils of his tail beneath him so their bodies are swaying slowly with their movements. His hands slipping under the back of Luffy's shirt to caress his spine. Luffy's fingers kneading his shoulders and the nape of his neck, roaming upwards to play with his spiky hair.

This time when the rubber man probes inquiringly at his lips, Zoro doesn't protest, instead tilting his head to deepen the kiss and pushing tentatively forward to meet his lover's. Luffy doesn't hesitate for a second, tongue plunging headlong into his mouth to investigate the changes there with eager lapping and swirling, laughing at the awkward efforts to twine his own unremarkable appendage with Zoro's forked one.

His laughter's not only a balm to Zoro's nerves- it's infectious, and while the older pirate's not exactly chuckling out loud, he's certainly grinning. Probably like an idiot, he muses to himself, but he's honestly too engrossed in returning Luffy's affections to really mind.

The kisses stay mostly lighthearted and playful until their lips stray from each other's mouths to one another's necks, and before Zoro can comprehend just how heated their exchange has become, he's latched onto a spot under Luffy's jaw with a lot of heavy sucking and light biting that's prompting some very desperate, very exciting noises and he's got a good portion of his tail wrapped around his captain's trembling body, his actions spurred by the hands petting and grasping and squeezing his pectorals.

When he begins to realize just how badly the scent of the skin under his mouth's fueling his ardor and tempting him to stop holding back, however, he reluctantly breaks the suction he's created, his breath catching sharply when he sees the dark oval he's made on Luffy's flushed throat. _Shit. I didn't know just the SMELL of him could make me start losing control like that_. He swallows. _Better tone it down_. Determined to ease the tension a notch lower, because the last thing they need is somebody wandering in here to find them on the verge of having sex in the ofuro. Because while he doubts Luffy would care-

"Whew," his partner sighs, grin mischievous as he makes a show of fanning his pleasure-dazed face with his hand. "I'm glad Zoro DID wanna kiss me, 'cause I've wanted to do somethin' like that since I first saw him at Rayleigh's place."

Zoro snorts. "Of course I wanted to kiss you, dumbass. After not seeing you for TWO YEARS? I fuckin' MISSED you."

The broad smile stretching Luffy's mouth melts into a smirk. "Uh huh. It wasn't hard to tell, 'cause- I mean, I'm pretty sure that-" His gaze drops to the surface of the water, or rather, to a point somewhere below it. "-ISN'T one of your swords. Since you left 'em outside the bathhouse door with your coat 'n stuff."

 _Oh fuck, oh FUCK- he NOTICED_. Zoro feels his stomach perform a sickening backwards flip, his mouth suddenly so dry that it takes him several tries to find his voice as he hurriedly uncoils his tail. "That- that wasn't supposed to- I mean, I didn't-" He wants to push farther away from Luffy, put a little more distance between their lower bodies, but he doesn't dare, not with the dark-haired pirate weakened as he is by the surrounding water. "H-Hang on, okay, 'n I'll just-"

"It looks almost like you've got two of 'em, right? Your junk's forked now, same as your tongue," Luffy says calmly. "Like this." He lifts one hand with his index and middle fingers raised and spread in a v-shape. "It comes out from inside your tail, through the-" He frowns, squinting in concentration. "… ah, I can't remember what that hole's called but Marguerite told me about it 'n it starts with the letter 'C' 'n it's the same hole for everything else too, like pooping 'n peeing. Only the pee doesn't LOOK like pee, 'cause it's sorta chunky 'n white instead of watery 'n yellow."

Dumbfounded, Zoro can do nothing but stare at him.

"Cloak-something?"

"… clo- cloaca? You mean the cloaca?"

Luffy brightens. "Yeah, that's it!" He gives Zoro a curious look. "What? I told you, the Kuja have snakes- A LOT of snakes- 'n they don't care about there being boy snakes on the island like they care about human guys. So there's lots of snakes there 'n I saw 'em doing ALL KINDS of stuff, like eating 'n pooping 'n having snake sex to make baby snakes!"

"O-Oh."

"Yep! 'N if Zoro's half snake now, he must work the same way, right?"

"… more or less…" Zoro agrees reluctantly.

"Oi, Zoro, I-" Luffy bites his lower lip and worries it briefly between his teeth. "I came in 'cause… I wanted to- y'know- get a good look at you before Chopper or anybody else got the chance. Not just 'cause I'm the captain, but…" He uses his grip on Zoro's shoulders to pull himself closer, tilting his chin upwards to press another firm, lingering kiss to the swordsman's mouth. "… I still- uhm, y'know- I still want you." His face is reddening again, although not prompted by passion this time; he's blushing. "You're still ZORO. Even with scales 'n a tail." He makes a small noise of bashful amusement. "… 'n two dicks…"

Zoro can feel his own face heating rapidly. "It's- uh- it's a little more complicated than that…" Upon seeing Luffy's head immediately tilt to one side in silent perplexity, he sighs, hoping he's not going to regret this. "Let- lemme show you 'n- then you can decide whether or not it's a little too- weird- to be- y'know- together, like we were before."

He helps Luffy regain his footing first, steadying the rubber man until his legs stop wobbling from the effects of being partially submerged and he's able to stay upright to clamber out of the ofuro on his own. An alarming amount of bathwater pouring onto the tile floor from his saturated clothing, and thank god for the numerous drains set throughout the room, because Zoro's pretty sure HE'S going to take nearly as much water- if not more- out of the ofuro when he exits it himself. Not in his attire, since he's not wearing any, but with the sheer mass of his lower body.

Getting in was a hell of a lot easier than getting out ends up being, he quickly discovers. Earlier, he'd simply grasped the edge, pulled his midsection over it with a modified push-up and slithered the rest of the way inside. Now, to avoid being forced to literally crawl on his belly across the floor, he needs to move in reverse. Tail sliding out onto the floor tip first and then forming a wide loop to support his torso as it follows, until he's finally able to push off the ofuro's side. A process far more complicated than required at the natural hot spring back on Kuraigana. And, as he expected, he takes a good deal of the ofuro's contents with him, sending a small tidal wave rushing across Luffy's feet, which have somehow- almost miraculously- retained their sandals this entire time.

Sensitive to his mood as always, his partner doesn't miss the expression of irritation and chagrin that flashes briefly across his face. The captain's gaze shifts to study the side of the ofuro and then its base, noting how it raises the entire tub slightly above floor level. "Huh… maybe we could ask Franky to put in some handles or something. Like, not just on the edge but-" He turns towards the far side of the bathhouse, opposite the bank of showerheads. "Maybe on the wall over there?"

"Please. Having this thing's awkward enough without putting on a show every time I wanna take a soak…"

After fussily arranging his coils beneath him for a few minutes, stalling, Zoro eventually drapes the last couple of feet over his left forearm with the underside facing the ceiling so the scutes are visible. He pokes a fingertip at a scale, the last of the broadest and widest before his tail begins tapering towards a point and the one that's got an odd sort of rippled shape to its edge. Gently thumbing it back to display the unarmored area beneath, soft pinkish-white tissue surrounding the distinctly puckered shape of his outer sphincter, which the ventral scale shields when laying flat and overlapping the other scutes farther below it. "So that's… pretty much my ass 'n- uh- everything else now."

Luffy's hovering, peering, but thankfully not trying to touch him. "They pop outta there, right? Your dicks?"

"Ah… yeah… they're sort of- well, the books about snakes I looked at said they're supposed to be sort of INSIDE OUT like- like POCKETS or something- while they're in there, so right now they're actually-" He extends another finger and traces double lines towards his tail's tip, slowing before he reaches midway because he's going by memories of the diagrams he'd found and isn't really sure how long the damn things actually-

"Uh, Zoro? That's like-" Luffy's holding up his hands with the palms facing, shifting them back and forth with a gap fluctuating in range between something like nine to twelve inches. "That's, um, pretty big…"

 _Please let the bathhouse floor just open up and fuckin' swallow me whole, RIGHT NOW_ , Zoro groans internally. "Y-Yeah, you'd think that, but the thing is- they don't-" He falters, his face burning. "They're kinda- squashy? They don't-" He raises his hand, balled into a fist, and allows one finger to uncurl in slow motion until it's pointed straight up towards the ceiling. "… get hard- like that- like a normal dick does. So they're really- not- THAT long- when they're actually- out. More- ah- chunky, but not solid-chunky? Kinda squishy-chunky…" _Haha, oh god, I wanna die_. "… 'n they're-" He clenches his jaw and then grits the rest out in a strangled voice. "-sorta spiny at the ends but the spines aren't sharp, they're more- r-rubbery, like soft little- spike- things…"

He refrains from relating how appallingly close he'd come to fainting the first time he'd actually seen one of the organs in question, when he'd witnessed it emerge from his cloaca with sudden, violent force while he'd been straining a bit too hard taking a dump. Despite the obvious lack of blood, the sight had quite literally scared the shit out of him. He'd been lightheaded, half-convinced his guts were coming out, but the bizarre protrusion of pink tissue had retracted just as abruptly, disappearing back inside him before he could start hollering for somebody to help him.

Paging anxiously into the later chapters of one of the resource books he'd been picking his way through, he'd been relieved to discover his guts were- in fact- NOT coming out and also grateful as hell that he HADN'T gotten the chance to shout for Perona or- even worse- MIHAWK. And it hadn't been long after the incident that- with the assistance of several diagrams of snake reproductive anatomy and through some awkward trial and error- he'd learned how to make one or even both of his new bits protrude from his cloaca by applying firm pressure on the underside of his tail and sliding his fingers from the tip towards his vent.

The first time he'd successfully ejected and made a more thorough examination of one of the things the book referred to as hemipenes, Zoro had been shocked.

Luffy, on the other hand, looks positively fascinated by the description the swordsman's reluctantly shared but he doesn't ask to see them- and Zoro doesn't offer. Even if LUFFY'S not grossed out by his new anatomy and seriously- HONESTLY- okay with it, HE'S not ready to take it quite that far yet. Kissing's fine. Even sloppy make-out stuff's not bad- not TOO intimidating. Anything involving hands or mouths or whatever else straying below the waist, though? Ha ha, NOPE.

"Oi-" Luffy says abruptly. "Wait a sec. If they don't get hard, then-" He's starting to frown, confused and annoyed with his own confusion. "When we were in the water, what was-?"

"Uh, yeah." Zoro grimaces. "You remember how I told you this started with my feet 'n worked its way up? Well, there's some shit it didn't have enough time to change- or maybe, didn't get the chance to FINISH changing's more like it."

Luffy's frowning harder, eyes roaming up and down his midsection, gaze moving over what used to be the juncture of his thighs and what now appears to be nothing but solid, mottled hide. "I don't get what you-"

Zoro shifts, bending his upper body slightly at the waist, where his human torso merges with his serpentine half not in a neat line but a jagged confusion of skin, scars and scales- and below his navel - its shallow cup still visible amidst the two-toned mess - a set of the scutes gape apart, offering a glimpse at the soft, pale and very recognizably human flesh tucked inside the vertical slot within their plated folds. "It's still- I'M still- here." He arches a bit more to peer down at himself. "Part of me, anyway. I don't know exactly where the hell my balls went, but I'm assuming they're in there SOMEWHERE, 'cause I still- uh-" He clears his throat. "Well, I might not piss from there anymore, but let's just say that part of me still works the OTHER way it used to…"

He risks a peek at Luffy. The younger pirate's staring, eyes slightly widened and mouth hanging ajar, and Zoro can almost see his brain grinding away in his skull behind that flabbergasted visage as he struggles to process what he's just been shown. _Oh god, I hope I'm not gonna regret this_ …

For several long, uncomfortable moments, Luffy's absolutely silent, and then his mouth starts working. Soundlessly at first, but then- "Thr-three." His gaze lifts to meet his first mate's. "Three?"

"One plus two…" Zoro agrees, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck.

"THREE?"

"… three…"

"Three," Luffy says again, quietly, almost to himself. "Zoro's got three dicks." He stares at Zoro, blinks once, twice- and then bursts into laughter so uproarious and LOUD that the swordsman jolts, uttering a curt hiss and rearing upwards in surprise. It doesn't seem to faze Luffy. "ZORO- ZORO, YOU-!" he wheezes, slapping his hands frantically against his thighs. "THR-THREE!"

"O-Oi-" Zoro protests, taken aback. _Goddamn it, I figured he'd be- I don't know- either disgusted or- maybe he'd just say it didn't matter, but I didn't think he'd do THIS_ , he thinks, stung, unsure how to respond. His tail tip's lashing back and forth, however, because his embarrassment- and subsequently his anger- is rising. "OI- LOOK- I DIDN'T ASK FOR-"

His rebuke's cut short as Luffy startles him again by lunging forward and going on tiptoe to fling both arms around his neck and kiss him soundly on the mouth. "Zoro- Zoro, I'm sorry- it's not you, okay? It's just-" Swallowing another burble of laughter. "Thr- three swords, Zoro. Three SWORDS. You-" Choking on hysterical giggles he's barely managing to contain. "Three sword style, y'know? You use three sword style but now you c-can-" He breaks down completely before he can finish, but Zoro's got a pretty good idea of what he was about to say.

"If you make so much as ONE three DICK style joke," he growls, "-I'm gonna drown your ass in the fuckin' ofuro."

"I'm sORRY," Luffy wheezes. "Zoro- Zoro, c'mon- PLEASE, don't be mad, okay?" He tightens his grip and tries to kiss the older pirate again but breaks off snickering madly.

"SSS-" Fuck. He can't enunciate an 'S' properly when he's this agitated. "-ehn-CHO-"

"I'm not- I swear- I'm- not laughing at ZORO," his captain manages between gasps for air. "It's just the- three thing- that's funny. Promise. I PROMISE." He takes a deep breath, visibly forcing himself to calm down because Zoro's now glaring at him. "Oi oi, c'mon, Zoro, don't scowl at me like that…"

He seems sincere despite his outburst and genuinely distressed that he's injured his partner's pride, so it's not long before Zoro concedes to the kisses and little caresses intended to coax him into a better mood, relaxing so Luffy no longer needs to stretch so high to reach him.

"I- told you," he mumbles past the lips pressing repeatedly against his mouth and chin and cheeks and the tip of his nose. "-that it was- weird. I shouldn't've-"

"So what if it's a little weird?" Luffy draws back to protest. "I'M weird!"

"No, you're n-"

"Zoro, I'm a RUBBER man. That means I got a rubber DICK too, remember? A rubber dick that can stretch longer than I'm tall, if I want it to," Luffy huffs, eyeing him as if questioning whether or not he's gone daft. "Having three dicks isn't THAT much weirder than being able to tie your own schlong in a bow, IS IT?"

"N-o-o-o," Zoro agrees reluctantly. "… but seriously, though, you're really sure- like, really REALLY sure- you don't think it's just a little too-?"

"I LIKE weird, Zoro. I think it's NEAT my boyfriend's got three dicks." And with that, Luffy's eyes brighten with mischievous intent. "OH, OH MAN, I can't WAIT to tell Usopp 'n Sa-!"

"DON'T YOU DARE." Before he can glance towards the room's exit- much less take a step in that direction- Zoro coils around him in a flash, moving with a burst of speed made possible by the slick surface of the flooded bathhouse floor beneath his wet body. "Don't you dare sssay ANYTHING to ANYBODY."

"Sanji's gonna be jeeealooous," his captain remarks in a sing-song sort of voice. Trying to look coy but failing miserably because he's grinning so damn wide. He's not intimidated by the muscular loops of snake flesh wrapped around him, either; he's leaning comfortably into them, the fingers of one hand toying idly with the scattered single scales embedded here and there in the human skin of Zoro's waist.

"I don't- I don't CARE," Zoro sputters. Realizing he's probably made a mistake, because with his lower body curled so snugly around Luffy's legs and midsection and their faces so close, he's once again aware of how damn GOOD he smells. "I'm already gonna hear enough bullshit when those guys figure out snakes have TWO. I mean, I'm pretty sure ROBIN knows already, 'cause that woman ALWAYS knows too much for everybody else's good, but I've been hoping she won't SAY anything." He's pauses to take another breath, intending to continue- and his tongue flickers out of its own accord to brush Luffy's cheek, causing the rubber man's heavy, undiluted scent to flood his serpentine olfactory organ with enough force to make his entire upper body sway.

He's too stunned to comprehend the subsequent sputters emerging from his own mouth, but he must be cursing because Luffy's regarding him with bewildered concern, frozen in place while watching him retreat until his back bumps the side of the ofuro and he sinks to the floor in a huddle, trying to disappear within the haphazard tangle of coils he's thrown around himself.

"Zoro, what's-?"

He lifts a hand. "Just- stay- stay there, okay? Gimme a minute or two. I don't know what the hell's going on, but the smell of you's driving me totally NUTS."

"My WHAT?" Luffy raises an arm, its sleeve dripping, to sniff suspiciously at his armpit. "I don't get it. I don't smell anythi-" He stops, shooting a suspicious look at Zoro. "Oi… you're not gonna try'n EAT me or something, are you?"

"No," the swordsman assures him. "This is more like- I think I might, uh, need a cold shower…"

"Ohhh…"

"… you don't gotta look so damn pleased with yourself, jeez." Taking a surreptitious peek downwards to make sure any incriminating appendages are hidden from view, Zoro leans his shoulder against the ofuro. "I don't get it. This wasn't a problem before. In the bubble, I mean, when I was wrapped around you like a freakin' scarf."

"Yeah, but we weren't MAKING OUT in the bubble either," Luffy points out. "-'cause it was cold 'n you were fallin' asleep 'n Sanji was right there." He hesitates, then adds, almost shyly. "… 'n… it's only a problem if Zoro's gonna let it be a problem."

Zoro's able to prevent himself from snapping his head up to stare, but he can't do anything about the way his heart's started slamming itself repeatedly against the inner wall of his rib cage. "You- you really mean that, huh…"

His boyfriend doesn't bother rattling off assurances but just gazes back at him in expectant, remarkably placid silence and continues dripping water all over the tiles, and for the first time it dawns on him that Luffy's bandages are soaked as thoroughly as his clothing and beginning to unravel here and there.

 _Chopper's gonna fuckin' MURDER me, not only dragging Sencho in the bath 'n nearly DROWNING him but then tryna HUMP his soggy ass while suckin' his face off, RIGHT after he needed a freakin' blood transfusion_ …

He sighs, fighting off the urge to bury his burning face in his hands. "O-Okay. But look- even if you're cool with this-" Waving aimlessly to indicate his lower body. "-I'm still pretty freaked out by some of it 'n I don't- I don't really TRUST myself yet. Especially not with you, like that. Y'know? So can we just sort of take it slow for now, until I figure this out?"

He's fairly confident Luffy won't have any issues with such a request, considering he's- THEY'VE BOTH- always been relatively lackadaisical about the whole sex thing. While they'd never exactly made a concentrated effort searching for opportunities to indulge their admittedly lazy libidos, they also certainly hadn't been adverse to taking advantage of those moments when they'd both experienced the drive to do so- AND found the privacy. Which hadn't always been the easiest feat on a ship crowded with crew mates.

It's been two years since then, however, and who knows what might've changed in the time they've been apart, so he's more relieved than he'd like to admit when Luffy snorts and says, "… well, YEAHHH. I mean, that stuff's only fun if you both wanna do it, right?" and then promptly dismisses the matter by asking, "Oi, IS Zoro hungry? 'Cause I'm STARVING 'n if we don't gotta fight anybody else, then maaaybe we can finally eat some of those fish Sanji promised to cook!" And before Zoro knows what's happening, he's being given one last chaste but undeniably affectionate kiss and shooed under the showerhead and ordered to "hurry up 'n get washed 'n dried off 'n dressed" so he can join Luffy in the dining hall, where the younger man will be saving a seat for him- and likely getting his rubbery fingers repeatedly smacked for snacking on whatever the swirly-brow cook's attempting to prepare.

And although he's grumbling about bossy captains and their whims as he reaches for the faucet handle, his protests lack any real venom and he can't help smiling to himself, because even though he's changed- even though THEY'VE changed, he quietly amends, casting a glance behind him for one last look at the starburst emblazoned on Luffy's chest as he bounds dripping from the room- everything that truly matters here and now in this moment has somehow remained the same.


End file.
